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Chris Cordry, LMFT's avatar

You make some keen observations about Western Buddhist practice as well as mainstream mindfulness culture. I've noticed many of the same tendencies, including in myself at times.... but one thing that's nagging at me--don't you think some of the problem you're describing is rooted in the suttas? Yes, Western culture has translated and co-opted Buddhism in a way that reinforces our avoidant patterns, but from what I've read of the Pali suttas (in translation) there also seems to be a tendency toward avoiding "negative" emotions, attachment to worldly concerns, and of course, the emphasis on monasticism and celibacy... even the descriptions of the goal in terms of becoming a "non-returner" or arhat seem to emphasize transcendence of this world, and certainly romantic relationships. Personally I've gravitated toward Vajrayana and feel some ambivalence toward the suttas for that reason.

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Aaron Falk's avatar

I really related to this article and appreciate your description and insights. I spent 17 years in a traditional Buddhist sangha led by a western teacher. So many unpleasant emotions like jealousy and competitiveness would come up over and over just trying to get along or pull together as a group for a special event or ritual and I always felt like a failure for not being able to let go or to even have feelings in the first place. It was very confusing. I finally left my teacher and community and found my way into social tango dancing. It’s like being in a sangha in many ways, however this time there is a lot of physical contact, and emotional expression actually helps you in your dance. Fortunately I also feel like some of the skills I developed in my Buddhist community like concentration and compassion have really helped out my dance practice. It’s so important to take the big picture view like you are doing here, and I really appreciate what you have written. Sometimes I wonder if we just have to go through what we went through….

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