How do you know if you have that safe attachment with reality? What's the main characteristics? What do you have now that you didn't have before that rupture experience?
What a beautiful piece, Daniel. Not sure how I found you, but glad I did. It resonates deeply with my work and where I've gotten in my journey. I just finished a couple pieces on trust that align with what you're talking about :)
The title of this piece immediately struck a chord for me. I used to deeply distrust reality. I was angry at god (I still am, in some ways). I turned away, became the loner, built a fortress of will and control.
And then, eventually, slowly, learned to soften. Learned to trust a bit more. "Surrender" is no longer an insult in my world. It's a slow process. Attachment theory is really a fitting way to look at it.
I am currently reading Daniel Brown’s textbook “Adult Attachment Disturbances” for my own intimate understanding of repairing my disorganized attachment style. What an incredible offering this piece of writing is. 🤍
This was so beautifully put together, and could only have been done by someone who has gone through the process.
I’ve heard about attachment theory and long suspected that it held deep implications but I’ve never had it presented as a bridge between spirituality and reality. I’ve long held the conviction that true spirituality and maturity are intertwined, but this makes it complete: spirituality, maturity, reality.
This is embodiment, fullness, Christ-in-the-flesh life and living. So much of it aligns with the reality of how Christ life was exemplified but hardly mentioned in sermons (especially in modern Christianity which has become so externally-focused, perhaps to appear relevant and appeal to those seeking to be externally energized rather than inwardly revived).
I recognize more consciously now that reality is the environment and canvas in which spirituality and maturity (or lack thereof) can be revealed, tested, and cultivated. So I must take reality more consciously as the opportunity to notice what is revealed and choose accordingly, rather than continue a lifetime of unconsciously flinching from reality and trying to change it, without first changing/maturing my relationship to reality (which is simply a reflection of my inner state). I know this now also after confronting pain (sorrow) in Reality that could no longer be flinched (avoided, distracted, superseded, etc) from not having known the avoidant/attachment relationship with Reality that for years hampered my spirituality and maturity. Much sorrow but also having to make peace with this (present) reality. Resisting it is avoiding reality and going back into that unconscious way of being lived for far too long.
Thank you for writing this and weaving it into comprehensible understanding in this dimension. It resonates like all timeless truth that exists and echoes to those whose deepest hearts are ready to receive it.
This is a powerful lens to view spirituality through. No matter what name we give to this experience, we are always in relationship with it. Whether we lean into it with trust or resist it in fear, connection remains. Even in avoidance, we are engaged.
I appreciate how this piece highlights the role of safety in transformation. Without a sense of security, opening to the unknown feels impossible. A child does not explore without a stable caregiver to return to. In the same way, we do not expand into uncertainty without some deep assurance. Whether through a quiet inner knowing, community, or faith, we need something to hold us before we can let go.
Thank you for this perspective. It speaks to something essential.
How do you know if you have that safe attachment with reality? What's the main characteristics? What do you have now that you didn't have before that rupture experience?
Hmmm...I'm not sure there's one answer but what I'll share some pieces that come to mind
- There's no sense that anything is wrong, even when there are difficult emotions
- I have a sense that the world and I are on the same team in some fundamental way
- I feel happy just being, like nothing is missing
- It seem OK and worth it to take risks in relationship because my value isn't at stake
I could say more I'm sure, but thats what immediately comes to mind. Thanks for asking!
What a beautiful piece, Daniel. Not sure how I found you, but glad I did. It resonates deeply with my work and where I've gotten in my journey. I just finished a couple pieces on trust that align with what you're talking about :)
This is mind bending. So very good.
The title of this piece immediately struck a chord for me. I used to deeply distrust reality. I was angry at god (I still am, in some ways). I turned away, became the loner, built a fortress of will and control.
And then, eventually, slowly, learned to soften. Learned to trust a bit more. "Surrender" is no longer an insult in my world. It's a slow process. Attachment theory is really a fitting way to look at it.
I am currently reading Daniel Brown’s textbook “Adult Attachment Disturbances” for my own intimate understanding of repairing my disorganized attachment style. What an incredible offering this piece of writing is. 🤍
Beautiful essay with a simple and profound thesis. Thanks.
This was so beautifully put together, and could only have been done by someone who has gone through the process.
I’ve heard about attachment theory and long suspected that it held deep implications but I’ve never had it presented as a bridge between spirituality and reality. I’ve long held the conviction that true spirituality and maturity are intertwined, but this makes it complete: spirituality, maturity, reality.
This is embodiment, fullness, Christ-in-the-flesh life and living. So much of it aligns with the reality of how Christ life was exemplified but hardly mentioned in sermons (especially in modern Christianity which has become so externally-focused, perhaps to appear relevant and appeal to those seeking to be externally energized rather than inwardly revived).
I recognize more consciously now that reality is the environment and canvas in which spirituality and maturity (or lack thereof) can be revealed, tested, and cultivated. So I must take reality more consciously as the opportunity to notice what is revealed and choose accordingly, rather than continue a lifetime of unconsciously flinching from reality and trying to change it, without first changing/maturing my relationship to reality (which is simply a reflection of my inner state). I know this now also after confronting pain (sorrow) in Reality that could no longer be flinched (avoided, distracted, superseded, etc) from not having known the avoidant/attachment relationship with Reality that for years hampered my spirituality and maturity. Much sorrow but also having to make peace with this (present) reality. Resisting it is avoiding reality and going back into that unconscious way of being lived for far too long.
Thank you for writing this and weaving it into comprehensible understanding in this dimension. It resonates like all timeless truth that exists and echoes to those whose deepest hearts are ready to receive it.
Just the title hit me pretty hard, yeah that feels pretty right
This is a powerful lens to view spirituality through. No matter what name we give to this experience, we are always in relationship with it. Whether we lean into it with trust or resist it in fear, connection remains. Even in avoidance, we are engaged.
I appreciate how this piece highlights the role of safety in transformation. Without a sense of security, opening to the unknown feels impossible. A child does not explore without a stable caregiver to return to. In the same way, we do not expand into uncertainty without some deep assurance. Whether through a quiet inner knowing, community, or faith, we need something to hold us before we can let go.
Thank you for this perspective. It speaks to something essential.